I'm Not Gonna Lose You (I love you Aunt Kim)

Don't say you're sorry
I don't want to hear it
Don't say you're sorry
I just want you to fix it
Tripping over feelings
coming out my eyes
can't believe what I'm seeing
how can I sympathize?
You're running in corners
and can't dig your way out
You can't fly away
or just run a new route
you're selfish and dumb
and don't know what you're doing
because if you did
you'd know what you're losing
everyone who cares
and everyone who knows
what a good person you are
so stop it and show us
we all make mistakes
so it's time that you fix them
we all get in fights
and we know what ticks them
off, but it's okay
as long as you repair
those feelings of love
those feelings you share
so you fell of your horse
and you could just stay down
or you'll get up
and prove them all wrong
so brush off the dirt
and pull up your boots
'cause I'm not gonna lose you
to men in black suits.
I love you Aunt Kim.

Standing on Ice

Standing on ice
wearing nothing but shorts
Life is so cold
when you're out in the snow
not the sleet nor the rain
not the sun nor the clouds
Life's absent of pain
when your heart beats too loud
and yea we were standing
when the snow plow came by
found ourselves silent
when the wind asked us why
"why must you protest?
I do nothing but serve you
and you fight with no rest."
to which we quietly replied,
"because we chose to be served
not enslaved."

We're only seventeen (and goin nowhere fast)

It's fucking cold outside
I can see my icy breath
float slowly to the ground
And yea I've got a coat
but there's a steady breeze
and I can hear the sound
of rules around me
always running
from the hounds and
it's so damn hard
to light a jack
when the wind is blowing
and the sky is snowing
just need my board
and some room
'cause I'll skate that shit
till the cops come
or till you get your jack lit
one left in your pack
you need the niccotine
and the warmth you lack
but hey,
we're only seventeen
and we're goin nowhere fast

Oh, Glorious Slavery, How Ironic Art Thou?

The chains go
clink
clink
clink
as the shackles fall
around your ankles
and the rusty chain
binds tight your weary heart

Oh! And the hills and falls
of beauty on a crisp summer morn
how it flies and flows with your hair
billowing around your cuffs and chains.
Never before did slavery seem so glorious
in the sickly green fields of riches and power
gathered by the farmers of greed.

Segregated by the people
they now seek to destroy
leaders of the world and industry
united in sickening political power
to destroy everhthing we love
and enslave us all.

Humans

Humans are systems. We are machines. The most complicated machines ever. But machines, nonetheless. And, like all machines, we can be operated if the right buttons are pushed, the right levers pulled. So how do you work another machine? Well, you figure out their buttons and levers, and the proper sequences and BAM, you can control other people. It's not even an art as much as it is a science. You become the proprietor of someone elses body, and the world is yours for the taking.

Shoot 'em and Loot 'em

I am a human fucking being
and the nonsense I'm seeing
is driving me beserk
I'm on high alert
because the system is crashing
looks like people are dashing
for the exit route
and I can't even shout
'cause no one would hear me
over the TV
that's blaring
staring
faring well
trying to sell
us an infomercial
about a commercial
about the government
hidden in an oven mitt
and suddenly
it is hitting me
so abruptly
yet subtly
Billy Mayes
pushing voting
and drugs
toking
popping slugs
for the U.S. of A.
they do that don't they?
It's a hole in the system
because they're muslim
not christian
so it's okay
lock and load
shoot 'em and loot 'em.

Taste the Anarchy

I'm no artist
but you're a masterpiece
and I'm no rolla
but I rhyme like master P
and when I walk in
I don't roll mad deep
but what I got comin'
is somethin you can't meet
somethin you can't beat
Yea, I'm a gentleman
but I won't give up my seat
to some punk
some jack-ass butch
tryin' to push me
like a runt
best expect a fight
if I win, a catastrophe
so you can spend the night
in the hospital G
with the goons and the filth
and the truth, Reality
see the lights
taste the anarchy.

My Justifications for Good and Evil

What do you want from me?
I have my justifications
for my many relations
with my environment
and my various allignments
with good and evil
no, I'm not perfect
not even close
I have my lighter
and a pack of smokes

and you yell
and you criticize
when you can't summarize
my demise
and surprise
when I realized
that all this time
my miracle cure
costs six bucks
and a dime

You don't know
what you think you know
because I don't show
everything that is
hidden below
the surface

and yea
you never asked
"Is it hard
to live with yourself
with all of those scars?"
and it is.
no, I'm not pure
but this is my cure
but don't yell at me
until your cause is sure.
**********************
the story behind this one is that one of my best friends, Kim, has been really upset with me lately because she thinks I've been smoking more recently than I have in the past. I'm 17 and have been smoking for a year, and I feel like I (and many smokers) get criticized for smoking when she, and anyone else who bothers me about it, doesn't know anything about what I'm trying to hide behind the smoke...

The one you smile at

I want to be
the one you smile at.
I want to be
your sudden bloom.
I want to be
your front porch light.
I want to be
with you tonight.
I know he's kind.
I know he's generous
and smart
and understanding
and nice
and attractive
and Christian
and friendly
and strong
and everything,
or enough of what,
you always wanted
in that guy
that wouldn't touch you
for years to come
and you had not
a spare thought for.
More importantly,
I know I'm not him.
I promise I'm not trying to be.
I want to try to be.
I want to be like him.
Not because
I like republicans
or because
I want to start airsofting.
I want to be like him
because I want to be
the one you smile at.

Am I

Am I sleeping?
Am I awake?
Am I real?
Am I fake?
Am I here?
Am I there?
Am I common?
Am I rare?
Am I alone?
Am I smothered?
Am I the one?
Am I just another?
Am I rambling?
Am I making sense?
Am I not open?
Am I too dense?
Am I riley?
Am I unnamed?
Am I guilty?
Am I to blame?
Am I yours?
Am I theirs?
Am I anyones?
Does anyone care?


Do... do you care?

any one of us

well, I'm pretty sure
that even if we stay perfectly still
time keeps moving forward
and there's not a damn thing
any one of us can do about it
and I'm pretty sure
that even if we isolate
ourselves from the world around us
the world is always there
and there is absolutely nothing
any one of us can do about it
and I'm pretty sure
you're pretty, sure,
and I'm just here
to allure, and sure,
we're pretty sore,
but no one's pure,
so you're not a whore
I'm sure
You're not here
You're not my cure
I poured my soul
just to turn
when I tried to stir
my journey ended
and now I'm lost...

An Awakening

"I'm living life!"
he exclaimed
as he desecrated
the mental bonds
that for so long had
restricted him.
He levitated
from the need
to look at the razor
dragged across his skin
as he awoke to the sun
and beauty
of a new world
that was truthfully
there all along
he just had to
open his eyes
and open his heart.

I Smile Through My Teeth

I've told people stories
I've sinned
over
and over
again
I've lied through a smile
and smiled through my teeth
and fibed my way
into concerts
and out of trouble.
I've lied to
to every
single
person
I have
ever known
and laughed
when they looked
at me
and asked
"Really?"
and I say
"yes!"
and while I tell
all of these
fibs
you can rest assured
I'll never tell
one single truth
that will end
in hurt.

Inspired by Nina

Johnny's Gun

I was
enrolled
a student
became
a soldier
for peace
at least
that's what
I was told
I sold
my soul
for a body
of gold
and never
did find
what I was
looking for.
The system
was broken
my life
was a joke and
nobody knew,
but my
success
was due
and I told 'em
I'm ready
my aim
will be steady
get out
of my crosshairs
or I'll
fill you with lead
he said
see what you will
and do
what you may
but you better
remember
what you
did say
to me
and your mother
and your
lover as well,
because
at the gates
they will
send you to
hell.
Well,
I looked up
at him
and I
leveled
my gun,
and I fired
and left
and my
dad knew
I won.

Static Stereo

Why would I look farther?
Don't make this harder
Than it has to be.
Can't you see,
Can't you hear
Can't you think
I'm sitting in this lonely room
and the only person
consoling me
and giving me any advice
is my static stereo
and the only ones
who speak to me
are John Lennon
and Bloc Party.

I care about the rainforest
and I hate George Bush
but none of that
tells me why
why you aren't telling me
you're sorry.
Life is full of tough shit
but no one said
I'd have to watch
the most beautiful girl in the world
tear me apart.
If we were all perfect
I would be perfectly imperfect
and if we were all imperfect
then I would be a ghost
I would be a ghost
and I'm floating by.

Don't Talk to Girls

Little little brother
I told you not to go
So
No
Listen Listen
little brother
Don't talk to girls
they'll break your heart
little little brother
they'll break your
big big heart
and I know I know
that you don't know
So listen listen
little brother
don't talk to girls
they'll break your heart.

Susceptible to Serenading you

I'm finding life under the stairs so hard
that I'm climbing them up backwards to you
your face is what hurts me when we're apart
like daggers and swords and bombs and fire too

Inverted life is irresistable
your eyes, disarming, alarming me so
I looked in your soul and asked if you're trouble
you looked back and told me you're alone

liquid pools of red love and arrogance
I'm swimming through time to you and knowing
you are somewhere no one has a chance
of getting you in the habit of showing.

I took you because I really liked you
and keep you because I really love you.

Souldier's Hymn

Cut me Cut me
like a boy in the school yard
serenade me like a sitcom
and sell me like a whore
before before me
lies the devil and his mom
And I would have been scared
but my soul has been gone gone gone
since the day that he died
and I've got life in my limbs
and sky in my veins
and I'm planning on a massacre
at your vacation home
so maybe you'll finally resort to that imagination
Fuck that
I'm a souldier
Rock the system
and fuck the world
is the hymn they pray
as they save the world
from the enemies in themselves
and he's gone like a prayer
spoken cold in the night.

Pull the lever Lucifer

We're all having fun
just sitting round
a boring campfire.

Bring out the sticks
bring out the gas
bring out the fun shit that
us kids aren't supposed to have

And we'll
burn
burn
burn
this fucking love apart.

Like we were
sitting back home
on the porch to the house
and you saw your dad die
as it fell to the ground
and you stared

Would the fire alarm ring
at a quarter to nine?
just in time
to save the day?
the lever stood there
but you only glared
you only stared
away

Pull the lever lucifer
where did you go
when he was trapped
in the attic
of the house
that you burned to the ground?

Pull the lever Lucifer
I know you hurt
when you see his shirt
catch fire
but all you think about
is the bruises on your arm
and your black eye

I guess Karma has a name
it's Lucifer

Colors

Your red heart makes you beautiful,
Your blue eyes make my skies.
My black heart needs you to be full
I'm not telling you white lies.

Orange horizons tell stories
of green fields far away
where silver knights of glory
and girls like you lay.

My green eyes say that you're too good
but my grey soul can't keep away.
My purple brain says I should
just go to you and say

This world is full of colors and it was yours, alone,
that out of all the others, to me, truly shone.

The Unspoken Ballad of Mad Men and Sinners

Eruption of disbelief
of etymological science
my ghostly friend conveys
he's upset
by skewering the wind
like only he can.
I am a fountain
I am a geyser
in autumn
because the trees
can only color my eyes
with their brilliance
once a year,
once a lifetime.
Flowing
Flowing
Flowing
why am I blowing
away away away
away like so many leaves,
your hand on my hand
your chest on my chest
your lips on my lips
your heart on my heart
apart
I take
you lack the initiative
to forsake
at least that much
it's like a muse
has kissed my forehead
and told me
he's always listened.
Rave
I rave
I'm raving mad
I say
obey
like a mcdonalds commercial
gone terribly wrong
or right
there's so much
illusion
intrusion
disillusion
mistrust
and diffusion
of cultures
of life spans
of waist bands
like blotches of paint
on a large white board
we soared
with such ease as
a heavy black primer across the tiny room
and we soared
and we soared
and we lied
but we soared
god speed
means gods fast
because man
there was more
and soon enough
I looked up
with a curiosity
only mad men and sinners possess
and asked myself
what the fuck I was doing.

I Hate You

I hate you
I hate you
because I need you
and I need you
because I had you
and I had you
because I love you
and I would follow you
to the ends of the earth
and back again
to protect you
and when you're there
I want you
and when you're not
I don't
and all along you agree
and follow me
back and forth
and fuel
my endless emotional circle
without even knowing it
and for that I'm sorry
and I'm sorry
because I hate you.

Rainbows, Butterflies, and Suicides

She's got her attitude and her smile,
and just denies that she's in denial,
She walks around like she's got it all,
But she ain't what she is in the hall.

She barks out rules like she owns the place,
they'd see her pain if they saw her face.
Preps and Jocks is her clique,
if they saw her wrists, they'd all be sick.

'Cause she's all,
Rainbows, butterflies, and suicides,
They won't know it till after she dies,
Rainbows, butterflies, and suicides,
Her happiness was always her greatest lie.

They talk and gossip about suicide in the urbs,
and they don't realize they're talkin bout her.
Talking about when they get to move from mom,
she probably won't even make it to prom

The newest band, or their newest fling,
they don't know living ain't her thing.
They talk about the new school play,
she probably won't wake up that day.

'Cause she's all,
Rainbows, butterflies, and suicide,
They won't know it 'till after she dies,
Rainbows, butterflies, and suicide,
Happiness was always her greatest lie.
****************************************
A song I wrote a few years ago actually, originally written to the tune of Jenny, Jenny by Tommy Two-Tones

Mirror

Becoming you
Is harder than I thought.
Becoming you
Without my past I won't get caught.
And nothing, And nothing
Is in my mirror.
But something, I don't know
Is staring back at me

You can't fight the sky
That envelops you.
You can't tell me why
I keep coming back to you.

I don't know, I don't know
Who I'm seeing.
I don't know, I don't know
Just who I'm being.

But there's a mirror, just dyin'
To shatter me.
It's not me who's cryin'
But the one I can't see.

I don't know, I don't know
My only juror.
I just know, I just know
My whole life is in this mirror.

See it through,This plot has no story.
See it through,We worry just to worry we all worry
And sometimes, I'm lonely
Because I look at you.
You tell me the stories
That in past lives I knew.

I won't run without you
To die by my side.
We don't know, what is true
Except that we all lied.

We can't know, We can't know
What is yet to come.
We can't know, We can't know
Which killer has the gun.

There's a new day approaching
From the hidden shadows.
So you are encroaching
On my dreams of meadows.

We can't know, We can't know
Who we truly fear.
We can't know, We can't know
That who we fear is in the mirror.
**************************************
I wrote this song a while ago. It just so happens to be one of my personal favorites, as far as my own work goes.

A Storm?

The rain hit the street
like a million pins dropped from space.
As it whispered love songs
it covered my tears.

The wind did not howl nor cry
but rather, it was silent.
Pulling the rain stubbornly aside
as if to reveal my shame.

I did not walk,
nor did I run,
for fear of overpowering
the sound of the boisterous rain.

The side walk was shadowed,
not by the trees,
for there was no sun,
but by the grey sky itself.

It was then that I sat on the curb,
the storm drain next to me raging
bringing me to the absurd conclusion
that I was in a storm.

There it is.

I've got a key
to a door
You've always seen
but I've never touched
it's solid mahogany
rounded by smooth
sharp black lines
that penetrate the wall
just deep enough to
allow the frame to set in.
It's got a silver doorknob
that turns the wrong way,
and when it opens,
it creaks and goes back on itself
in a way that should clearly
break the hinges that are
supposedly fastening it to the wall.
But the wall is gone
and so is the floor
the ceiling
and soon only the door remains
I've got the key,
will you turn it?
***************************
I've been writing a lot of love stuff lately, so I decided to throw in a little of my more abstract stuff.

Falling Through Our Dreams

I'll see that you feel at home
When you feel my heart around you
and I'll know that you're never alone
Because my love is with you

And don't you know?
and can't you see?
That you've fallen
in love with me?

I grasp at the air above
Come down with a tilted star
stand it up straight on the ground
and watch it fall straight through
our dreams
Memories waiting to be
It's you that I'm waiting to see
And I can see you and me,
so clearly.

The passion that fills my eyes,
Comes straight up from my heart
and the door is open now
so come away.

And you feel me lift off the ground
when I sense you across the room
someone has a glass heart around,
Just wondering who
with scarlet love all around,
we feel the same.

You went through every inch
just to find there's a hundred more.
You're standing right outside
just find a way in through the door.

You found a way in through my door.

Lust of a Weakened Soul

To want,
Something so simple,
it would seem,
but to act upon
is to understand
to repremand
an inner consciousness
and emotion
that's too lost
in commotion
and caught
in erosion
to be understood.

As if I could tell you
what I want:
I want you.
As if I could do
what I want,
to take you
and hold you
and never let go.
To feel your heart
beat rhythmically
against your chest
against my chest
like it was trying to leap out
and grab my own heart,
my own love,
and meld with it
so they are one for eternity.

But no,
you have my heart
and you have my love
and if I were to do that,
it would mean I understand
my feelings,
that I understand
that I love you,
...or I loved you.
I guess I don't know anymore.

I guess I'm still sore
and too hurt
to love you.

But I do,
Don't I?

I want you,
Don't I?

Broken Lullaby.

The streetlights are hollow
like the lights of your eyes
like the lights in my eyes
and they're swirlin
and they're twirlin
to their certain demise,
with a certain reprise
playin over, and over again.
My friend,
my family
best friends,
we used to be
and I know I don't belong
here no more
and I know I'll sing along
with your sore, sore
lullaby
with your broken
sore lullaby
and I'll say a
bye bye birdie
don't you come here no more
don't you come here no more
'Cause we're a broken and sore
lullaby.

Hey you
hey you
little little dude
standin' over in the corner
what's your name?
how have you been?
Who is to blame
for all this sin?
I do not know

Where do we go?

But you pass me by
like a sullen ship
just waiting to be loaded
or waiting to be boarded
and I know you're not comin
back this way
'cause the waters are too shallow
and the strait is too narrow
for that big ass ego of yours.

But we sing
on and on
like we've never sung before
a broken and a
sore, sore lullaby.
*********************************
This can be interpreted as a song or a poem. Take your pick. =]

Our blog "network" of sorts

So I've noticed that a few of us all follow eachothers blogs, and it's cool =] lawl
It's me, Rachelle, Harry, Katie (who is a follower on my other blog, not this one for some reason,) Loub, and Nicole. Idk, i just thought that was cool =]
Much love,
Riley J.

Light the Road

Light the road
that lies before us
Shed the truth
like you shed lust (black road)

The darkness
binding our eyes
cannot act
as your disguise (black road)

The black road
stretches the land
colors sky
a black so bland (black road)

Heroes come and heroes go
Life is one and death is so old
Loved ones live then come to pass
Honor them and do as your told

The dark times still lie ahead
Refrain from living now in woe
Shine your light so you can see
the obstacles on the black road.
*************************************

first half of a song I'm writing =P

Whatever, It's Chill Bro

Quickly slip into the serenade of my heart
apart
from all the world
I think
I sink
into my thoughts
my thoughts are sinking
in guilt?
in Jealousy?
in reluctant advocacy?
Who knows.
I know?!
Nah, I just write
Spill the words,
they flow,
like the ideas of millions
are just the fuel for my imagination,
the fuel for my fingers
banging out this nonsensical
rant on who knows what.

For a sister, a friend

You were there
No
You were here
with me.
Do you know what that means?
The streams of tears
of words
of love
for you
it's true
For so long I sought
to be in love
when all along
I have loved you,
my dearest sister,
my dearest friend,
my dearest rita-boo
because when I lost her
you said she didn't deserve me
and when I was blind
you helped me see
I couldn't find
my way without you
Because you were here
my ritaboo.
******************************
This one is for Rita, she's my best friend and I love her like a sister. No one has helped me through more heart break and tears than she has, the shit she's had to deal with from me alone makes her a good friend. <3

Busy Busy Busy

I had to wake up early today (a day when we did not have school due to a teacher professional day) and go in to play practice (I'm in the play at school) from 6:30 AM till 2 PM then I had to study for my two college tests I have on monday, then I went to my friend's sweet sixteen (which was AMAZING) at 8 and just got back around 1 AM. So i'm dead tired. I can't write anything tonight, so tommorow I'll write one for today (which will probably be dedicated to rita, my now 16 year old friend) and one for tommorow. On a random note, I'm obsessed with Counting Crows right now (the band not the action, all though I do also find that fascinating.)
Much love,
Riley J.

Leaving, Going, Gone...

Sitting with my legs crossed
Head tossed about
in the pouring rain.
Looking to the skies to find
the gods can't
tell me I'm sane.
I'm a fool caught looking
and caught with my
hands painted red.
I was looking so long
my conscience
has showed up dead.
Mutilated and futile
are my attempts to
save myself.
All I ask in return is
you ask why didn't
he leave a will.
Leaving, Going, Gone
I'm gone, I'm gone
and I'm gone
don't chase me
berate me
infuriate me
a impassionate state
incapacitate me
leave me sighing
crying
I'm leaving
I'm going
I'm gone
'Cause you are
or I am
or We are
but we're not
We are not
I'm taught
with frustration
I'm still with
destiny
of failure
I've failed
I'm leaving
I'm going
I'm gone.
***********************

When life fucks you over, like today it did me, follow the steps.

ANYONE AND EVERYONE WHO READS MY BLOG

go to the first person on the list of people who follow this blog, it should be wackypacky or something along those lines. He's my little brother, and on his blog he has a poem he wrote that is AMAZING, so I highly suggest you go read it (and look at some of his other quite humorous pictures)

Our Maker

The water's gone cold
and its got me thinkin'
while you walk across the water
I'm always sinkin'.

Perfect world thoughts
leave me pale and dead
We're reading all these books
but we don't know what we just read.

Free from all this hatred
I don't know where it began.
maybe if we look back
we'll see our tracks in the sand.

Redeeming all these vows
makes life a bore
if thank you's were a gift card
you'd be a store.

we were sittin' round
and we were writing a sonnet
missed the fucking lines
and the rhymes weren't on it

So i messed with some ideas
with just a pen and some paper
and as the ink spilled like blood
we all looked to our maker.
********************************************

This one is actually a song I wrote for a band I was in a while back, I couldn't come up with any new material tonight, so I wussed out and resorted to previous work =P But yea, so that's the deal, I will usually put hot off the press poems on here, but when the juices aren't flowing I'll just resort to old stuff from my millions of notebooks and what not. =]

My Bed of Roses

Over thinking
Under doing
I'm saying
No praying
And winking
and sinking
just laying,
decaying.
Thinking
Doing
Saying
Praying
while winking
but sinking
while laying,
Decaying
on a bed
of dead roses
My bed of
dead roses.
*********************

... Sometimes I don't even know...

I Don't Know

No no no
I don't
Know know no
I won't
go go go
to the show
to the lights
to the sound
to the soft
rubble ground
I want love
and can't hate
Want you
and can't wait
for the truth
you'll tell me
please tell me
you'll tell me
it's hell, see
to pace
to and fro
launch to space
and fall down
Where I land
you will go
tell me what?
I don't know.
*********************

The story behind this poem is, at the moment, I'm completely and totally insane with girl problems (what else is new?) and, in my corrupt and demented thing i got for a brain, this poem makes complete and total sense. Otherwise, it's gibberish.

True

What I've got here
I've got here in my heart
It's true and sincere,
It'll be true till we part
Which we won't
'Cause I can't
I can't stand
When you look in my eyes
And ask if I'm alright
My mouth tells you yes
But my heart screams out no

And its true
no, no, no, no, no
no one else hears it
but you.
********************
For Rae